Bulletproof Heart
by MakeAScene487
Summary: Harry has a world to convince that Voldemort is back, Ginny has a dark secret she's been harboring since she'd been in the Chamber Of Secrets... and a secret coping method, as well. Set after GoF, rated M just in case for violence, self harm, and sex.
1. Breathe Me

**(A/N) **

**Time Period- Set right after the end of Goblet Of Fire/beginning of OotP; There's no Umbridge in this story, however. **

**Rating- M as a precaution, for violence, self harm, and sexual scenarios (I'd say it probably won't require the 'M', it's just there as a precaution.) **

**Chapter Warnings- Self harm, could be considered triggering. **

November

"_Young, naïve, foolish, girl. Pouring out your soul to a diary. You should've known better. And now… now I'll defile you in the most humiliating possible way." _

Ginny Weasley awoke in a cold sweat, her heart racing as the all-too-vivid dreams that she'd been having ever since Voldemort had risen to power again engulfed her. It was all much too real. As the tears that had become her all too familiar, all too expected unwelcome guests started making their way down her face, which was red from excitement, she got off of her bed and reached for the familiar tin box under it. She pulled it out and climbed back on her bed after making sure no one else was awake, drawing her canopy around her.

She unlatched the box, and with a click, it fell open. She looked inside. There were a number of sharp objects scattered throughout it, many of them rusted over with blood. There was a tube of concealment cream, rubber bands, bandages and antiseptic. This box was her best friend, the one that she knew she could confide in, and the one that never let her down. Picking a single shiny silver razor blade that she believed had been pried out of a Muggle pencil sharpener, she rolled up the sleeve of her white, long sleeved shirt and pressed it in to the lower part of her arm, right under the inside of her elbow.

As she pressed, she bit her lip, to keep out from gasping in pain. After a minute she removed the blade from her skin and let it fall with a metallic clang into the box, taking her skin between her forefinger and her thumb and squeezing until small bubbles of blood began forming, growing and growing until they melded together to form a long straight line.

She then grabbed a piece of bandage and blotted at it until it stopped bleeding. She took the bandage off and didn't put any concealment cream on- she used that only when she absolutely needed to. She told herself it was so she didn't waste it, but really, she liked reaching up her robes, in the middle of classes, or in the middle of a family dinner, and running her fingers against the row of raised thin cuts on her arm. It was comforting. Sometimes, when something upset her, when Draco made some sort of snide comment, or when she received a bad grade on an essay, it was enough just to feel them, or to snap a rubber band across her wrist.

And then sometimes it wasn't.

Knowing she wasn't going to be getting any more sleep that night, even if it was only 3 in the morning, she rolled her sleeve down and replaced the box under her bed and went down to the Gryffindor Common Room- she needed to sit by the ever present fire and collect her thoughts. She was entirely sick of her room, her roommates that she didn't like and that cared more about talking about boys than talking about the fact that the most dangerous Dark wizard was once again rising to power.

She climbed the stairs one by one, slowly, skipping the ones that she knew creaked. As she felt the warmer floor of the Common room under her pale, bare feet, she also saw a brown head that she knew all too well. He turned around and looked at her and she smiled smally at him, not fully up to talking and wishing that Harry Potter was not the only other inhabitant of the Gryffindor Common Room. His smile quickly faded as he put his book down and went over to Ginny, touching her face gently with his forefinger.

"Ginny… have you been crying?" Ginny felt her face self consciously and realized that tears were STILL pouring from her eyes, the nightmare that was what had happened to her two years ago still fresh in her mind.

"Uh… it's nothing. Nightmare." She went and sat on the red couch, trying to stifle the tears that were still flowing freely. _Damn._ There usually wasn't anyone else here when she had these little… episodes. Harry went and sat next to her, looking at her intently with his intense green eyes. After a few moments of silence, with Ginny still crying, unsuccessful in her attempts to stop, she looked at him, her brown eyes boring into his.

"He's really back, isn't he?" Harry nodded. Realization washed over his face as he understood.

"Gin… has he… have your… was your nightmare about… _him_?" Ginny sat there staring at the fire blankly. How easy would it be to lie and say that no, she dreamt that her family died or something of that nature? But no- she couldn't. There was something in her heart that told her she couldn't lie to Harry. She nodded, biting her lip, gauging his response. He immediately moved closer to her and wrapped her in a hug.

"Ginny, no one should ever have to go through that, least of all you. I know. I know how he can haunt dreams. It's okay." With his words of comfort, unable to hold herself back, she buried herself in his chest and started sobbing. It didn't matter that she and Harry hadn't talked much recently- she needed comfort and it was what he was offering. He just held her, knowing how scary her dreams must've been. He just let her cry into him, running his hand along the back of her head and down her silky red hair.

Ginny's sobs soon subsided and her breathing became more normal, but she still kept her head resting on Harry's chest. She'd had a crush on him back when they were younger, and, secretly, it might still be there, but that's not what she was thinking as she grabbed his arm and pulled it tightly around her. She was thinking that it'd been the longest time since she'd had someone's full attention, truly had someone's shoulder to rest her head on.

Coupled with the nightmares, Ginny's life hadn't been easy as of late. She was doing poorly in school, despite the fact that Hermione helped her almost every night, her parents all but ignored her, dealing with all of their other children. Compared to all of their other kids' shenanigans, a few poor grades were the least of the Weasley parents' concerns. She was falling, failing in everything in her life, and it was as though no one was there to catch her.

It was scary.

So Harry let her stay there, his arm around her, until he heard the lapse in breath that meant she'd fallen asleep. He sighed, letting her sleep on him. And all of the sudden, a fierce anger roared in his chest. How DARE he invade Ginny's dreams? She'd never done anything to him- she was innocent. He wanted to hunt Voldemort down that very moment and kill him, without magic- just to physically beat him until he couldn't move. Harry sighed. His life ended up affecting everyone around him and he was sick of it. He looked down at Ginny's face, her sweet, innocent face, and at her tears glistening with the flicker of the fire as they dried on her face. She didn't deserve this.

Just then, Ginny stirred, still asleep, and shifted so she was almost on top of Harry, wrapping her body up like a small child's in his arms. He smiled down at her. He wanted to protect her. And if it was the last thing he did, damn it, he would protect her. Harry laid his head down on the couch- he himself had been awoken by a nightmare as well and that was why he was downstairs, and typically after a nightmare he couldn't go back to sleep, but perhaps, with this sweet smelling girl there to distract him, he'd be able to.

Harry awoke with a start a mere 20 minutes later as Ginny began to thrash and moan on the couch. As her sleeve got caught on the edge of the sofa, Harry saw a row of cuts on her arm. He looked at them questioningly and went to roll her sleeve up further, but then Ginny began to shout.

"No… no… get off of me… you aren't REAL you can't DO this… NO! NO! GET OFF OF ME! KILL ME OH GOD, KILL ME BUT DON'T DO THIS-"

_But of course I can. I own you. You are giving me life. I'll defile you, I'll use you, and I'll kill you. I can do whatever I want." As Tom Riddle finished, he climbed off of her, leaving her crying on the cold cobblestone, pulling her robes back down over her legs. He'd broken her. _

"Ginny! GINNY wake up!" Ginny awoke with a start and for a split second, nearly screamed as she looked into a stranger's eyes, seeing only the eyes of Tom Riddle as he took away the one thing that was hers to keep. Then, she realized it was Harry and she shuddered a sigh of relief. She looked around and all at once remembered that she was in the Common Room, come down after her first nightmare, and how Harry had held her. She flung herself into his arms, not caring what he thought, or said, or did, because the most recent dream was the most vivid of them all. Harry was a little taken aback by the extreme affection Ginny seemed to be in want of, but then again, he supposed that he could've done with arms to fling himself into when he awoke from some of his first Voldemort-inhabited dreams.

Ginny sat in Harry's lap, sobbing until there was a spot on his grey shirt soaked through with her tears and the remnants of the makeup she'd had on the day before. He stroked the back of her head, at a loss completely for what to tell her- he'd always dealt with his nightmares privately, so he hadn't the foggiest idea how to comfort Ginny. All he knew was that he wanted to strangle the man who made her like this: Tom Riddle.

For the second time that night, Ginny Weasley's tears ended and she crawled off of Harry, sitting on the other corner of the couch, hugging her legs close to her and sneaking glances at him every few minutes, always shocked when she still found his emerald green eyes boring into hers, as if he stared at her long enough, he could figure out whatever he wanted. After she was fairly sure that her voice wouldn't betray her, she spoke.

"I'm… God, I'm really sorry, Harry. This is.. I'm really sorry for this. This isn't me… I usually just deal with them. I just… wasn't expecting you to be down here." Harry looked at her inquisitively.

"What do you mean 'usually'? as in… this isn't the first night you've had nightmares? About… about him?" Harry refrained from saying Voldemort, knowing it would only upset Ginny further. After a moment's pause, she nodded her head. Harry cursed and started pacing the room. Ginny sprang up out of her seat and went over to him, putting her hands on his shoulders and staring him in the eyes.

"Harry, I mean this. Don't worry about it, okay? I have… ways of dealing with it. I know you're probably down here 'cause you have the same nightmares and you've been having them longer than me. I'll be fine, okay?" She smiled at him. "I'm so unbelievably grateful you just let me empty the past year's issues all over your shoulder, but don't worry about it… me. Okay?" With that, she kissed him softly on the cheek and went upstairs to shower and prepare for the day.

Ginny turned on the water, and got in as soon as it was warm. She turned it up higher, then, and then higher, until it literally wouldn't go up any further, and the water was leaving red burns every time it hit her skin. She knew it was probably bad, but the thing that scared Ginny Weasley was the fact that she couldn't feel the water hitting her skin.

It wasn't enough.

All of the sudden, Ginny was frantic to feel pain. The weakness, the anger, the angst, was bubbling up inside of her and it was about to explode and Ginny had no way to rid herself of it. She got out of the shower and started looking frantically for something- anything- that would open her skin. She picked at her cut from earlier that morning to no adieu. Finally she found a package of unopened shaving razors. Knowing she wouldn't be able to cut deep enough with the plastic casing, she tried to break it open to no avail. The light pink plastic taunted her as she broke nail after nail trying to open it. Finally, in the act of final desperation, she bit the casing off and let the four blades hit the floor. She grabbed one then and dragged it across her skin.

She felt nothing.

Even more frantic as she saw blood bubbling out of her arm and was still not able to feel a thing, she started rubbing the sharp blade back and fourth and back and fourth, until blood started to drip on the white tile of the bathroom floor. She felt no pain, although she was beginning to get light headed. She sat down, wrapping a towel around herself, and continued to force the blade to saw deeper into the skin of her arm until sleep overtook her.

Harry Potter sighed, head in hands, as he stared into the fire of Gryffindor Common Room, wishing he'd been better at comforting her. He looked at the couch where she'd been sitting and saw her small patch of a blanket that Harry knew she'd had since she was five. Smiling, he picked it up to return it to her, knowing she'd be frantic without it. He heard shower water running and, knowing Ginny would be the only one taking a shower at 4:30 in the morning, knocked softly on the door. With no response, he knocked a little harder.

"Ginny?" that was strange. He cautiously opened the door a crack, just enough to amplify his voice.

"Ginny?" With that, after realizing there wasn't an answer to be had, he pushed open the door and gasped aloud, dropping the blanket on the floor. A tangled mess of red hair sat in a wet pile on top of the beautiful girl's head, and she was wrapped in only a white towel. There were two things primarily wrong with the scene, however. One, the girl's eyes were closed, which wasn't quite right for someone sitting on the floor in a bathroom at 4:30 in the morning with the shower running.

The second thing was that the white towel was soaked through with blood.

After a moment of shock, Harry sprang into action. Knowing Ginny and knowing she wouldn't want to go to Madame Pomphery, and assessing the damage, he just carried her effortlessly to his dorm, where Ron was nowhere to be found. Harry suspected the involvement of Hermione, but Ron had firmly denied his accusations. Reguardless, Harry was just happy that his best friend wasn't there to see him carrying his almost naked, bloody sister upstairs. He laid her on his bed and Summoned bandages, tissues and antiseptic, and immediately began cleaning the blood off of her arm and pressing so the bleeding would stop.

It was at that point that Ginny began to reawaken. She struggled to sit up and then fell back, hitting the pillow with a thud. She looked up helplessly, clasping the towel to her chest, as she watched Harry dress her arm. Harry, the boy she'd loved- could she really say she loved him? She thought so- struggled not to cry as he dabbed antiseptic on her arm and wrapped a white bandage firmly around her arm. Ginny spoke, her voice worn and quiet from the recent tragedy.

"Harry-" but Harry left the room. He returned a minute later with a plate of toast and milk and her pile of clothes from the bathroom. The underwear was intact but the jeans and white shirt she'd been wearing since the day before, and that she'd fallen asleep in, were blood stained. Harry let out a shaky breath and finally spoke.

"Uh… I'll get you a shirt of mine that you can wear, okay? Just don't let Ron see or he'd get the wrong idea and kill us both. Well, just me, actually. So." He dug through his things until he found a hoodie with the name of a Muggle rock band on the front. He threw it to her along with a pair of sweatpants, and turned around, obviously not planning on leaving her alone for more than a second, even to change. Ginny grabbed the clothes and clumsily got them on, wincing as the sleeve of the hoodie ran over her hurt arms. She grabbed the comb that was lying on top of her clothes and combed her hair out, and through a few stray tears, finally spoke.

"You can turn around now." Harry turned to Ginny sitting on his bed, looking at him with eyes that looked as though they had bore all the pain in the world. And for all Harry knew, they had. He obviously didn't know a thing about this girl. He finally broke the silence, his voice raspy, the way men got when they were trying to appear strong.

"Just tell me why Ginny." Ginny pondered this for a moment before looking back at him, truth seeping out of her.

"I wish I knew."


	2. If I Die Young, Bury Me In Satin

**(A/N) **

**Thanks for the reviews! **

**Chapter Warnings- Self harm mentioned. **

**Harry Potter does not in fact belong to me. **

"_Why, Ginny?" Ginny pondered this as she looked back at Harry, truth seeping out of her. _

"_I wish I knew."_

Ginny sat on Harry's bed, watching the minutes tick by on the small digital clock sitting on the bedside table. Harry was sitting next to her, holding her arm out, looking intently at each of the cuts Ginny had inflicted on herself, treating the ones that had become infected. He bit his lip, a wave of emotion brought on by the mix of lack of sleep and seeing what the girl he always thought of as sweet, innocent, was doing to herself. He'd heard of this- people cutting themselves- and heard of the reasons why. He'd even tried making a small slit in his upper arm, once, to see if it helped. But all it had given him was a throbbing arm and the false explanation of a broken dish to Hermione when she'd tended to it for him.

Harry could not imagine actually taking a razor blade and dragging it into his flesh, just because any emotional pain was great enough to merit it. He turned her arm over, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the pain she'd inflicted herself. He'd never admit it to her, but he was quite sure he had feelings for her, feelings that went further than brotherly affection. Over the summer, he couldn't help but watch her, the way her smile lit up a room, the way her firey red hair blew in the wind as she played Quiddich with the boys, the way her firey red personality blew when they tried to cheat. There was a Hogsmeade weekend that particular weekend, and he'd been meaning to talk to Ron it about it, although little did he know that Ron and Hermione had discussed it in detail during their midnight sneak away sessions. Harry was going to have tried to ask her to the Yule Ball next month.

But had this changed things? It was hard to say. Ginny continued staring at the clock, watching as it flickered, from 5:13, to 5:14, time seeming to drip through slow as mud. Harry saw the intense confusion and pain in her eyes, and his first instinct was to wrap his arms around her and attempt to protect her from the world- but instead he just reached across the bed for her hand and began stroking it absentmindedly with his thumb. He understood, to a certain degree, her pain- God only knows Harry had gone through more pain at the young age of fifteen than most full-grown wizards had. He knew, deep down in the back of his consciousness, that it was his fault. All of this, the nightmares Ginny had, the extreme mutilation in her arm, the pain in her eyes, it was all his fault.

All of the sudden, they both looked straight at each other and at the same second, opened their mouths to speak. Ginny chuckled dryly and nodded at Harry to proceed. He spoke in a hollow voice, trying to void his tone of all emotion unsuccessfully.

"Ginny… I'm… I'm sorry." Ginny looked at him, his words not the ones she'd expected. She looked at him, sighing. He'd been through so much, and knew that this, her little… problem, would just be more stress for a wizard who already had too much. But what could he possibly be _sorry_ for?

"Sorry for what?" Harry sighed, not able if he'd be able to hold his composure together long enough to explain it to her. Nevertheless, he owed it to her.

"Sorry for… for everything I've put you through. That first time I sat with Ron on the Hogwarts Express… ever since then, I've brought nothing but grief to your entire family." Ginny shook her head in the negative.

"Harry, believe me when I say it's not you. First of all, I'm the one that Voldemort went through to open the Chamber of Secrets-" Harry interrupted her.

"But he wouldn't have used you had he not known that I would try to save you." Ginny shrugged this off, too tired to argue about it as she rubbed her arm which was dully throbbing.

"And it's definitely not your fault that my own damn family doesn't even have time for me." Harry looked at Ginny, a puzzled look in his eyes. It was obvious, at least to him that Molly loved Ginny, her only girl, to pieces. Ginny sighed.

"And it's not your fault that I'm failing nearly all of my classes." She finished with a defiant, unspoken, 'so there' in her tone. Harry moved on to the bed with her and sat next to her, tentatively putting an arm around her.

"I thought you were getting help with your schoolwork from Hermione?" Ginny nodded.

"I am. But… the nightmares… I haven't been sleeping, I've fallen asleep in classes so many times, I'm so behind…" With that, tears started again and Ginny buried her head in Harry's chest, not wanting him to even look at her.

"I don't know what to _do_ Harry… I'm… I'm scared." She spoke in a small voice, the next statement almost completely muffled.

"Sometimes I wish he would've just killed me Harry." Harry pulled her back and stared into her watery eyes.

"How can you even say that, Ginny? I never would've forgiven myself. You… you're…" He looked at her again, and Ginny saw affection in his eyes. She shook it off. Lack of sleep, loss of blood, it was making her delusional. Harry took a deep breath and continued his statement.

"You're one of the most beautiful, unique, passionate girls I know and I really couldn't imagine life- summers, especially- without you." Ginny looked back up at him, a new sparkle in her eyes.

"Harry… do you mean it?" He nodded, surprised she ever would have to ask. She hugged him again then and smiled a little, and although it didn't reach her eyes, it made Harry happy, for it was the first time he'd seen her genuinely smile in a long time.

"It's just… lately I feel like I don't matter to anyone." Ginny sniffed a little and wiped away a few stray tears in vain, not able to stop more from coming. "I feel like I could just slip off of the earth and no one would even notice." Harry's brow furrowed at the untrue things pouring from the youngest Weasley's mouth.

"How can you even say that, Ginny? Your entire family loves you. Percy's a little iffy-" Ginny chuckled morosely "but Fred and George adore you, Bill and Charlie would bite the heads off of anyone that came near you, and even Ron cares for you in his own unique way, I think. He just has an unusual way of showing it. And me…" Harry looked at her eyes, which were probing his, searching for the conclusion to his sentence, as if it would seal her fate. "I'd be completely, utterly lost without you, Ginny." She smiled at him again, happy to know that someone did, after all, care about her.

She looked at the clock and realized that it was nearly 6:30. Harry followed her gaze, and cursed again, springing off the bed.

"You'd better go get dressed, Gin… Ron wouldn't love it if he came back and you were… well, like you are. He'd just jump to conclusions, I'm afraid." Ginny bit her lip, wishing to herself that the conclusions Ron would jump to had he found them would be valid. She nodded and grabbed her things.

As she was walking out the door, she turned back to Harry, her red hair swooshing with the sudden movement.

"Thank you, Harry. I really mean it." Harry gave her a half smile.

"Gin? I know… I know it'd be selfish of me, I guess, to ask you to stop, but… can you … if you have a nightmare, and you try to do that to yourself again, can you… just come get me first, okay? I won't tell Ron or Hermione or your mum, but please… try not to, okay? I care too much about you." Ginny nodded in the affirmative before walking out the door, flashing him a small smile and wave as the door shut.

Harry sunk into his bed with a sigh. What the hell was he doing to the people he loved?

Just then, the door swung open. Thinking it was Ginny, Harry sprung up, a wide smile on his face, but sank back into his bed when he saw it was not, in fact, the Weasley he most wanted to see.

Ron walked into the room, staring off into space, a love struck grin on his face. Harry laughed in spite of himself.

"And where, Mr. Weasley, have you been all night?" Ron, broken from his revalry, spun around and saw Harry sitting on the bed.

"Oh.. er.. see … I couldn't sleep… and I was.." Harry sniffed the room.

"And Ron, why do you smell like strawberries?" Ron blushed a little.

"I… might've been with Hermione?" Harry went over and clapped his best friend on the back.

"It's about time, mate. Good job." Ron beamed. "I think I love her, Harry." Ron then looked at Harry's bed and frowned at the bloody tissues and antiseptic lying there.

"What were you doing last night, mate?" Harry looked back at his bed and frowned. He hurried over and swept everything under his bed.

"Nothing.. nothing. So, you and 'Mione, eh?" The change of topic was a welcome one for Ron, and they spent the rest of the morning cheerfully discussing Ron's new relationship. Meanwhile, there was a certain redheaded girl that Harry couldn't quite seem to get out of his mind.

**I'm not too good at math, but I'm pretty sure you + reviews = a new chapter posted sooner. Thanks guys!(: **


	3. All Regrets With Love

**A/N: **

**Reviews. They make me smile. Thanks guys. (:**

**Chapter Warnings: self harm that could be considered triggering, swearing **

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Harry Potter, or anything except the scenario. Ginny's 'poem' is the song Razor by the Foo Fighters, I don't own that either. **

_Meanwhile, there was a certain redheaded girl that Harry couldn't seem to get out of his mind. _

It was the weekend after Ginny and Harry's late night up, and true to his word, Harry had kept it silent. He'd insisted on bringing Ginny along, and Hermione automatically agreed, assuming that it was for purely romantic reasons, although it wasn't. Ron, completely infatuated with Hermione now, questioned why Harry wanted to bring Ginny, but one glare from Hermione was all it took. However, she'd refused to sit with them while they got their butterbeers, opting instead to sit in a booth a few rows away, scribbling away furiously at a poem.

Ginny had taken up writing ever since the nightmare started, but she refused to let anyone read it, even though Harry had asked her. It was something she couldn't share- it was almost therapeutic. The newest poem she was scratching away at that day in Hogsmeade was called Razor. She had to admit it disturbed her a little that she even wrote this way, but she couldn't help it- it was sick, morbid, fascinating addiction.

_**Razor **_

_wake up, it's time_

_we need to find a better place to hide_

_make up your mind_

_I need to know tonight _

_Sweet and divine_

_Razor of mine_

_Sweet and divine_

_Razor blade shine_

_Patience my dear _

_We could spend a lifetime waiting here_

_Maybe this time _

_I hope I get the chance to say goodbye_

_Sweet and divine_

_Razor of mine_

_Sweet and divine_

_Razorblade shine_

_Day after day_

_Cutting away_

_Day after day_

_But anyway_

_Wake up, it's time_

_We need to find a better place to hide_

_Make up your mind _

_I need to know tonight_

_Sweet and divine_

_Razor of mine _

_Ginny Weasley _

In the stall a few rows away, Ron and Harry were facing each other, and Harry was already starting to sweat. He knew Ron had a temper on him and was happy that Hermione already knew what Harry was going to ask, and was prepared to control Ron if need be.

"Ron…" Ron looked up at Harry, puzzled by his scared tone.

"Yeah?" Harry gulped and spit out the speech he'd rehearsed in his room a handful of times.

"You've hated Ginny's previous boyfriends, right?" Ron nodded, the ignorant redhead unsure where this was going.

"Well, the thing is, Ron, I really like her, and you know I'm a good person and that I'd never hurt her, and I know you're my best mate and if you tell me I can't I won't, but…" Harry stopped, out of breath, but Hermione urged him on with her eyes and, as Harry looked over at the beautiful redheaded girl a few booths down that he was pretty sure he was falling in love with, he spit out the last few words in a bout of courage.

"I'd really like to ask her out, mate, with your permission." Ron looked stunned. He looked at Hermione, and then at Ginny, and then spoke in a small, calm voice.

"Harry, can you accompany me outside for a minute?" Harry looked at Hermione, a scared expression on his face, but got out of the booth and motioned for Ron to follow. Hermione stood, allowing him out of the booth, helpless. She mouthed the words _"Good Luck." _To Harry as the two boys exited out into the bitterly cold November afternoon. Ron suddenly pressed Harry against a wall, his wand at the dark-haired boy's throat. Harry trembled a little.

"Do you swear to God that you will NEVER break her heart?" Harry gave a small nod, frightened of his best friend. Ron paused a minute before releasing him. "Do you love her?" Harry paused for a minute, and then spoke words that he knew were true the minute they came out of his mouth.

"Yeah, mate, I really think I'm falling in love with her." Ron nodded and released Harry, but turned around to face him again.

"Do you, Harry, swear, on your life, that you will never hurt my little sister?" Harry nodded again.

"I swear it on my life, Ron. I'd rather die than hurt her." Ron smiled and clapped Harry on the back.

"Congrats, mate. Get in there and ask her out." Harry was positively beaming as he quickly hugged his best friend and then dashed inside, past his friends' booth and to Ginny's. Hermione looked at him inquisitively, and started questioning Ron as soon as he came in. Harry thought he heard the words "didn't do a damn thing to him, just threatened to" come from Ron's mouth, but he was to distracted. He slid into the seat across from Ginny so he could look her in the eyes as he asked what he was sure to be the most important question he'd ever asked a person. He barely registered as she gave him a scared look and shoved a piece of parchment into her bag. Her hair, curled that day with a spell Hermione had given her, had never been so beautiful, in Harry's eyes. He stared at her beautiful pink lips as he asked the life-altering question.

"Ginny?" Ginny looked at him, a puzzled look in his eye. What was so serious that he was so flustered about?

"Yes, Harry?"

"Will… will… will you go out with me? I… I'm falling in love with you, I think." Ginny's eyes widened with shock, and then narrowed.

"Did Ron put you up to this? Or 'Mione?" Harry shook his head vehemently 'no'.

"No, Gin… I … you're the sweetest, most beautiful girl I know, and I… I want you to be mine." Ginny's face lit up, and for not the first time that week, got up and hurled herself into Harry's arms, laying her head on his chest and climbing onto his lap. He smiled widely at her, taking that as a yes, and kissed the girl of his dreams, not even able to fathom the fact that she was actually his. Ginny kissed him back for what felt like a lifetime before she broke it, turning around suddenly and looking at Ron.

"Won't Ronald be…" Harry shook his head no. "I already talked to Ron, love. He just threatened to kill me if I ever hurt you which-" Harry dotted his sentence by kissing Ginny on her nose "I never, ever plan on doing." Ginny smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him long and hard. She couldn't believe that this- he- was hers. After all her wishes, her dreams, everything… he was finally hers. She was sure it was a dream, so much so that she pinched herself. Harry laughed and wrapped her small, soft hand in his bigger, calloused one. This was a teenage dream.

_December _

Three weeks Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting together in the common room, Harry leaning over Ginny and attempting to help her with her DADA homework, while Hermione and Ron sat on the couch, talking in hushed tones and stealing kisses every few minutes. After Harry explained a difficult spell to her for the fourth time, Ginny threw her textbook down on the ground and huffed.

"Forget it, Harry, this is so pointless. I'm never going to pass this class, anyway. Thanks for helping, though." Harry looked in concern at his girlfriend- she'd been especially moody the past few days, and he was worried she'd taken up her old practice again. Harry went over to Hermione and whispered something in her ear, and a minute later, she sprang up off of Ron's lap, her cheeks red from the heat of the fireplace.

"Come on Ronald we need to go… and … come on!" Ron, confused as ever but not willing to upset Hermione, trailed after her like a lost puppy dog. After the door to the Common Room swung shut, Harry turned to face Ginny, worry in his eyes. Ginny looked up from the table she was still seated at and sent a questioning glance his way.

"What's the matter, love?" Harry motioned to the spot next to him on the couch, but Ginny, soaking up any physical contact she could get, opted for his lap instead. He turned her around so she was sitting sideways, with her legs stretched out across the couch.

"Harry wha-." She stopped as he grabbed the sleeve of her robe, and the sleeve of the sweater she wore under it, and rolled them up. He gasped as he saw not only a cut, but a small word carved into Ginny's arm. "hate."

"Ginny…" He trailed off in disbelief. He couldn't lead himself to believe that she'd done this again, when he thought that she wouldn't do it anymore. Ginny, her cheeks red from the warmth of the fire and the embarrassment of Harry finding out what she hadn't wanted him to, rolled her sleeve down again in a hurry and began picking at her cuticles, obviously avoiding Harry's eyes, for when she looked into them, she couldn't lie- they were stronger than the most potent dose of Verutserem. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck lightly.

"Why, Ginny? I thought… I thought you promised to come and get me if this.. you… ever felt like doing this again?" Ginny looked back into his eyes, and to his surprise, she was angry.

"Say it, Harry. Cut. I promised come and get you if I ever felt like CUTTING myself again."

"Ginny, I-." Ginny chuckled in an almost maniacal way.

"You can't even say it, Harry! Harry Potter, who's fought demons and dementors and Lord fucking Voldemort himself can't bring himself to face the fact that his girlfriend CUTS herself." Ginny got up, making to dash out of the room, when Harry caught her arm. She winced as his thumbs and forefingers wrapped around one of her recently scarred wrists and she winced, but succumbed as he pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her as he would an infant. He lightly kissed the top of her head, and then looked her in the eyes. She saw the pain in his, and slowly the layers of pain in her eyes began melting; first the anger dripped out of them, then the hostility, then the defense, until all that was left was anguish. She buried herself in Harry's arms, and Harry realized that her entire body was shaking with sobs.

"H-h-harry… please… please don't leave me. I… I really, really… I w-w-want to stop… h-h-honest…" Harry looked at her with disbelief before spinning her around and kissing her hard on the lips.

"Don't you dare ever think that I'm going to leave you, Ginny Weasley. I… I love you." Ginny stared at him in disbelief. She then kissed him hard on the lips. She felt that he meant his words, even as he faltered in speaking them. Ginny looked at him then, a twinkle of doubt in her eyes.

"We're only… you're only fifteen, I'm only f..fourteen, Harry. How can we possibly know what love is?" Harry bit his lip, hoping he could articulate what he was feeling without making a fool of himself. He pulled her small, delicate frame closer to him and kissed her neck as he tried to explain.

"Gin… when you've stared death in the face… I mean, every single damn year I've been in Hogwarts I've faced death in someway or another… when you've come that close, that many times, you can't help but… want to really LIVE life, you know? And… all I know… is that when I'm with you, when we're sitting here with you in my arms this way, I feel… I truly feel alive, Ginny, I feel like there actually might be something to hope for, y'know? So I guess the answer is I DON'T know what love is, but whatever it is, I think we have it."


End file.
